Monday, April 06, 2015

First kiss at 25

June 27, 2014
3:54 AM
There’s nothing particularly wrong with her life. Her parents have been married for 38 years already and they have always been happy. She knew how much her dad loves her mom even during the times they spent worlds apart. “You must find a guy who loves you more than you love him.” Her mom had always told Kate this. “It is more fulfilling to see a relationship wherein the guy loves the girl more. It just lasts for years and years. And if you don’t love him at the beginning, you’ll learn how to- eventually. Just look for a guy who looks like you like maybe, you’re magic.”
For Kate, those words haunted her for 25 years. Sure, she wasn’t the prettiest but she knows how to stand out and work herself in a crowd. She has always been voted most popular or best dressed wherever and to her, even if she fluctuates from a size 10, 12 or 14 (when croughnuts are just too damn irresistible), even if she doesn’t have the perfect skin, tits or hair; having that charisma is just innate equating her aura, no questions asked.

“Are guys from New Zealand good kissers?”

“I don’t know, you wanna try?”
Kate smiled and the Kiwi invaded her mouth like there’s no tomorrow.

He was tall- with kind green eyes. He had brown hair, full on beard and a welcoming smile. He sounds and looks like Gerard Butler for some reason (Maybe this was the alcohol speaking?) but of course, a lot drunker, louder and friendlier.
He gave his name after he kissed Kate. They laughed for a second and Mr. Kiwi asked:

“Was it good, baby?”
And she answered and shrugged

“It was okay.”
For a split second, she didn’t know what was happening until he felt his tongue down her throat. He held her face and kissed her with so much passion- proving that guys from New Zealand do kiss good. The kisses following these were unaccounted for. The dancing continued and he was giving Kate, Ching and Jim unlimited drinks him talking about why he was here in Asia and basically, blabbering words that Kate didn’t comprehend. Everyone was having a good time and he excused himself so he can get them more drinks. “When I get back, I’ll get your email address” Mr. Kiwi said as he left for the bar with a full on smile on his face.

“This is the moment.”

“Ching, Jim- LET’S GO! Come on before Gerard Butler comes back.”

They were as quiet as a breeze when they head silently for the door, all three of them- no questions asked.

To tell you frankly, that Kiwi was the first guy she ever laid her lips and tongue on. That was Kate’s first kiss. She was turning 25 in 3 months- its 2014 and no one knew she was still a virgin.

Was it wrong for her to have waited this long?

Was it wrong for her to share a monumental chapter in her life to a stranger?

Kate is still not sure.

Monday, March 02, 2015

“When you’re the person who chases love but runs away from it”

Written: July 16, 2014
2:48 AM

            I’m moving out from the place I have stayed at for almost 2 years and somehow it felt like an end of an era. A lot has happened in my life but a lot had not changed either. As a small girl in the big city, a lot has occurred then but basically, I am still that person who chases love but runs away from it the second I feel that voice behind me saying “Ohhh, there goes that feeling..”

            I am the person who prays to God everyday asking for that person whom I can spoon with all night. I am that girl everyone’s blaming because maybe “you’re too picky to get a guy” and feeds me that crap every second I ask why they assumed that BS. I am that girl who dances, flirts, and kisses guys all night; but as soon as they man up to get my digits, I think and act of a lame ass excuse to runaway and successful, I am. That’s my M.O. All those who party with me knows this already, but I know you are reading this because you are my sister/ brother of this familial scene. Yes, you are painfully reading this because you are GUILTY and is wanting to get answers to these excruciating queries: “Why are we like this?”, “Why can’t we find love even if its image is smacking us in the face with a bat?” and “Why do we even have to be innately in tune to someone? Why can’t we just be alone and be content with it?”

            Let me start with the last question: You are HUMAN. That’s basically a cliché to hear but the saying “No man is an island”- it is sound- at least psychologically. Erik Erikson popular developmental psychologist has an answer to these cumbersome feelings any 20-40 year old have. You do belong in this phase called the Intimacy vs. Isolation. Being in this stage in your life, the relentless tape playing in your head wants to answer the questions: “Will I be left all alone or will I be loved?” The major conflict lies with us finding that someone who we can share the rest of our lives with, wanting that intimate, secure and love filled relationships. If you don’t find these in this phase, you will feel the adverse effects- feelings of loneliness, sadness and sometimes, depression.

            I don’t know about you but I can speak for myself: I don’t need to wait till I’m 40 to feel ISOLATED. At 24, being single for years and years- yes, I am independent. I know that and it is something that I take pride on- I pay my bills, party on my own, can handle a drink and a meeting well at the same time (but not in that order). It’s safe to say I’m self sufficient in almost every aspect of my life- I do things on my own watch and do it in HEELS mind you. I put everything out there in certain aspects of my life and I do it happily during weekdays. Come Saturday, after a night of nonstop partying all over the city, relentless flirting and kissing (sometimes, sleeping around) with strangers you wouldn’t see anymore- a few hours after the alcohol ran off your system- you’ll find your old friend named sadness knocking at your door. Once you’re sober, that’s when reality hits you hard.

So “why are we like this” then? Maybe because of a past love that ruined you and broke your heart into tiny specks? Maybe you dedicated time to pick them up bit by bit and promised never to fall like that again. Maybe you’ve watched too many movies that molded you into this idealistic “Sleepless in Seattle/ Serendipity” person? You believe that you can never fall in love unless there’s some cosmic-slash-destiny shit behind all of it. Or maybe, your heart was never thumped by anyone yet? Just hearing other people talk about how shitty theirs was make you shove love and slam it shut.

            Either way, whichever causes you to run away from love- whether it’s fear of getting hurt, investing into something not perfect or fear of letting go- it all boils down to one word- FEAR.

            Now, as a person who runs away from love- I ask you to do this with me. : Let’s not be a spectator in our own lives. The more we hide behind this FEAR- the more we give it power. Each day should be dealt with. It might be a roller coaster of emotions with pangs of sadness and happiness in between. But don’t you think everything you have decided upon led you to this very moment? Why not make life worthwhile then? Decide that you will do one scary shit at a time because this will lead to another until it’s not scary anymore. The magical powers fear have over us will soon be over- after reading this- let’s pursue the love that we want to have (depends on where you stand on how you will punctuate its ending- .or , or ! or ?)

            Why don’t we make a deal, yes? Next time you hear from me- I will update you on how I conquered this lifelong fear(s). I hope you will have stories to tell as well (I’m pretty sure you will!). Till then...

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

2013 outfits in a nutshell

Since I havent blogged in ages, almost all of 2013 because I started my
very first legit job after college early this year (feb to be exact, yayy!),
and im still taking my masters and manage to take on some
heavy loads this year, here are just some of the updates i have to cap off
this wonderful year.
Jan: Started feeling that 'existential vacuum (sorry for the frankl-ish term)'
and looked for a job. Had extensive interviews for various companies until i..
Feb: Started to work for IBM (which was the one i prayed for actually) and moved in to a new place in eastwood (yay!)
March-May: Nothing significant, still getting a hold of my work load both in school and at work.
June: I think this was when our paper for one of our classes in MA was chosen to be presented last Sept 2013 on SG. This was also the time to save up every cent that I can for the conference fee, airfare, hotel accomodations and the pocket money.
July: Still getting by....
August: Celebrated my birthday in Baguio with my Bestest friend Mich, who was relocated there for work. i needed that trip to clear my head off of things and before the SG trip started.
September: Singapore trip finally arrived. Glad we got to share what we learned in our paper and we learned something too from some of the pioneers of the various therapeutic techniques in psych. I was lucky i got a week off from work. Met interesting people, got to shop loads and got lost in the beauty of this country. A week was not enough, though.
October: Glad i survived one of my hardest semesters in grad school and got little blessings in between.
November: Parties everywhere, almost all weekends (starting september, actually..) Met and hanged with awesome people which still continues to this day..
December: Gifts, gifts and more gifts. Happy Holidays and thanks to everyone who showed their love to me..
i love you all! ❤😘😍
Below are pictures that sums the happenings in my life for 2013..
L-R: Baguio, August 2013. Batangas after a night of partying, September 2013, and Clarke Quay, SG Sept 2013

L-R Chinatown, SG- Sept 2013. Eastwood, November 2013. Baguio, November 2013. Bed Mandaluyong, November, 2013.

L-R Eastwood, October 2013. Changi Airport, SG, Sept 2013. Nangyang Girls HS, SG, Sept 2013. Bugis Street, Sept. 2013.

L-R: Eastwood, Nov. 2013 & Dec 2013. Republiq, Dec. 2013.

How did your 2013 turn up? I hope it rocked as much as mine did!

XO ❤❤❤❤❤❤


Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Alis volat propiis..

Before graduating from college, Marion and I decided to get tattoos of special meaning to us. But we never pushed through; I was afraid it will hinder something in med school then. Excuses, excuses.

Now that I am almost 24 (in a couple of weeks), Just last July 4th, I decided to do something that will liberate me, literally.

I've considered myself as a very independent woman. I've been living independently since I was 19 and the support and love I get from my family and the people around me is essentially why I am who I am.

I stumbled across this latin quote 'Alis volat propiis' just last 2011 and then on, I have decided that this is the perfect quote that captures my life and the in betweens.

"She flies with her own wings" is its direct translation in english. I feel like this encapsulates my life and it's 3 forms: the past, present and future.

A bird like every living creature starts as a fragile being; weak, vulnerable, helpless.

Then in its proper time, the flightless little bird slowly molds itself to what its destiny is; to fly with its own wing.

As it soars high, it learns that life is full of up's and downs, but it never breakaway from its calling to sail through life; tearing hindrances apart.

This tattoo is a tribute to my (almost) 24 years of falling, standing up and breathing in between life's gracious moments and uplifting extremes;

It is with great pleasure that I will keep this in me forever.

thank you thank you Miah from Sin City Tattoo Studio in Katipunan for this great work! You know where to go and get your tattoos now, loves!


Monday, December 10, 2012


 This outfit was taken a few weeks back when i felt soo sluggish,
i didnt even bother to put any make up on!
With minimal accessories, (just a watch actually)
 and my heels on, 
I was good to go..
Dont you have days like this whe
you just want to walk around without 
giving a fuss about how you look

Anyway guys, i am putting 3 pictures at most because my storage
space is almost full. Also, im deleting some old entries to make
way for new ones. 

My poetry, stories, and random things are always available for your perusal, im just minimizing clutter around here.

Thanks guys, hope you'll still enjoy this blog! 

 Celine Bag
Forever 21 heels
Thrifted Polka Cardi
ASOS Jumpsuit  

Monday, October 22, 2012






Like tenee said, the front is so demure but when you see the back,
 well, it speaks for itself. haha

The future M.D's! Missed you loves! *.*

My ever dearest best friend/ photographer louie. :)

Saturday, September 29, 2012



“Daydream, delusion, limousine, eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face

Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes

See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I’m a delusion angel, I’m a fantasy parade

I want you to know what I think
Don’t want you to guess anymore

You have no idea where I came from

We have no idea where we’re going

Lodged in life, Like branches in a river

Flowing downstream, Caught in the current
I’ll carry you, You’ll carry me

That’s how it could be

Don’t you know me?

Don’t you know me by now?”